The more things change

It’s late 2021 and so much about the world and how we relate to everyone and everything has changed. But one thing has remained steadfast – the memos are always around me. I may have become somewhat apathetic about them. It’s because they seem to lead nowhere. Patterns are undeniable. Ears to hear, eyes to see and all that. But they seem aimless, lacking in ambition and focus.

Been having a bout with “flow” again. For the last several days, “flow” has become as ubiquitous a word before my eyes as “umami” has been on cooking shows, blogs, and newspaper columns dedicated to food. What caught my attention in particular is the part about flow being a process, not a destination. It’s all ABOUT the process, being fully present in it, and who cares where it leads? Apparently, the act of arrival teaches nothing. This moment (and this one… and this one!) are all that is.

Retroactive memo

50+ year old finger painting of a yellow sun in a blue field. Retroactive memo

Sorting, scanning, shredding documents and photos from my parents house, I came across one lonely little piece of artwork that apparent hails from my kindergarten days. More than 50 years ago, I was apparently in love with both the sun and the color combo of yellow and blue.

Some themes are lifelong. We don’t necessarily know what they mean – I certainly had no clue as a five year old! We may NEVER know what they mean. But they are a constant in our lives, if only we have ears to hear and eyes to see.

410 Memos in 35 hours

Brute_Force_Attack_Notifications_IMG_7185I am the lucky recipient of 410 Memos during a 35 hour time period.

From August 9th at 11:01 PM until August 11th at 10:10 AM, this website was under a brute force attack by person or persons unknown. I was REALLY busy with multiple deadlines. I knew there was a solution that I could implement to help alleviate the pain that the server must be feeling, but I also knew that the firewall was doing its job, by thwarting and notifying.  So, I let it keep until this morning.

During the 35 hour period that my phone was pinging regularly with emails from the firewall, the subject of self-publishing came up more than once.  The most prominent occurrence was last night. I had “set phasers to stun” (silenced the phone) while in a business meeting. At the end of the meeting, several attendees were standing around talking about self-publishing, and the phone kept vibrating in my pocket at regular intervals.

I wonder what I’m supposed to be self-publishing?

Beginning again. And again. And yet again!

IMG_5945The day after I wrote that last post about starting over, a Wednesday, I went to yoga and the instructor announced that the theme was “Begin again”.

On the way home from yoga, I saw a swallow-tailed kite.

That evening, I wrote in my Gratitude journal, where the quotation for the day went like this:

It is no disgrace to start all over. It is usually an opportunity.” – George Matthew Adams

I drove up to Disney on Thursday to spend Earth Day there, and to see some of the Flower and Garden Festival.  As usual, I spent a fair amount of time in the butterfly tent.

IMG_5946The day after Earth Day, while still at Disney, my Gratitude journal treated me to this quote:

There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it’s going to be a butterfly.” – Buckminster Fuller

Butterflies are significant to me; I donate to their conservation, I participate in wildlife surveys dedicated to the counting of them, and I traded in my “Nemo” license plate for one with a butterfly on it. I have a tentative plan to create a caterpillar-to-chrysalis-to-butterfly sanctuary on my patio (if I can ever scrape together the funding!). When butterflies present as a Memo, I should probably pay attention. Also, they get to “begin again” too, through the magic of transformation from one creature into another. I think metamorphosis counts as “begin again”, don’t you?

While driving home from Disney, Siri told me that because of “delays ahead”, I could save 17 minutes by ditching I-4/I-75 and cutting down the middle of the state. Passing through all the little “old Florida” towns, I saw signs for the Sunshine Motel and New Beginnings high school across the road from one another. I’ve since discovered that the motel is closed, but the high school is open.

Finally, after driving three hours (instead of three hours and 17 minutes – LOL!), maybe 2 or three miles from home, I saw a hawk on a wire – in EXACTLY the same spot where I spun out a few years back, and maybe even the same hawk (my stHAWKer!).

So… what do we have here?

Many of these Memos are repeats from the past, the butterflies being a new addition. Therefore, I have the impression that this is not so much a “new” beginning, but more of a do-over or a transformation.  And my keyword, which hasn’t made an appearance in quite some time, appears twice in this sequence, intermingled with the birds of prey and the butterflies.

The motel is closed, though. Might mean leaving something behind and concentrating on basics, which will lead to a transformation, a new beginning.  The hawk in the same spot as a scary driving experience… I hope that doesn’t mean “begin again from October 2013”.

What was I doing in October 2013? I can use an app on my phone called Momento to find out. It sucks in all your social media feeds and presents them to you in calendar/journal form. I’ll get back to you on this….

Back to basics

Memo 04192016I’ve been a spiritual slacker. I’ve given in to worry a bit, and I’ve strayed from many of my good-for-me habits. But I’m on my way back.

My guess is that we’re allowed to do this, as humans – stray, so we have some contrast, which facilitates learning. The times when I learn the most are those times when stuff goes wrong.

I opened the Gratitude app on my phone today, and discovered that the last time I journalled there was a year ago TOMORROW.  After I made an entry, I was rewarded with the usual quotation landing page.

If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the SUNSHINE. – Morris West

It’s got my keyword in it.

Feeling quite prodigal about it all 🙂