What is it with Mondays? Mine was pretty interesting. This was the second time that I tried to run at Centennial Park and encountered obstacles on the road. Last time was a parade; this time apparently there was some sort of boat show at the convention center or maybe a regatta or whatever. In any event, I could not park so I left.
I wandered in the general direction of McGregor but never found it. I think I fouled up at the part where you briefly get on and off Highway 41 (lawd I was born a ramblin’ man….). In any event, the first street I came to that I recognized was Metro Parkway, which took me down to Colonial and since I was going to pass the Calusa Nature Center, I figured I might as well challenge myself and run there. Rough terrain to begin with due to cypress knees, but I what I didn’t know was that the lower elevations by the golf course would still be ankle-deep in summer rains! It is, after all, a cypress swamp. I’ve just never been there when the trail was THAT wet.
Having recently completed the Freshwater Wetlands module of the Florida Master Naturalist Program, I boldly completed my mission, mud and squishy running shoes be damned. Intrepid, I was! Upon my return home, the shoes went directly into the washing machine and my feet and legs were scrubbed of the muddy cypress needles sticking to them.
I’m not sure what was going on with the run today. I definitely have the impression that the Universe hasn’t wanted me running in Centennial Park. I don’t think the message about the Nature Center was the same, though. I think I was supposed to learn something about the trail. It did surprise me that it’s still under water down that way, given that it stopped raining several weeks ago and it’s the ides of November, for cryin’ out loud. I have been thinking about volunteering there but haven’t acted on it. Maybe it’s time. Maybe I will be a trail guide there (and get them to let me straighten out their web site – it’s dreadful).
Anyhow, home I came and settled in to catch up with email and etc. Found this TED talk in my news feed, all about the amazing instrumentation we have these days that can really record human development at the minutest level of detail. I noticed that the scientist unabashedly attributed the intricacies of said development to divinity, to God by name, even. And he called it a baby. From the first division, he said “baby” and I was aghast. He’s a scientist! He’s supposed to say “zygote” or something like that and he’s not supposed to mention God!
I don’t know what happened, but I gently became aware that this wasn’t really me. I always KNEW it wasn’t Really Me, but that’s not the same as having it in the forefront of conscious awareness. REALLY Me believes it’s a baby. Really Me also believes in a woman’s choice to carry to term or not. But there’s not question in my mind that from the moment of conception, that there’s a baby. It’s not a frog or an oak tree or a martian or a hunk of cheese. It’s a baby.
I was not too surprised to find this out about myself, for I noted the other day that my DNA had been cleansed of the banker’s spidey sense that knows when a bank holiday is coming. I guess it is being cleansed of other corporate-related nonsense too, one of those things being ridiculous political correctness and denial of the personal. These are attitudes that benefit no one but the corporation. I certainly FEEL as though I’ve spent 40 years in the dessert since departing from that life, so I guess the effects of prolonged separation are finally making themselves apparent.
A few hours later I received my second memo. There’s this online game called Mindbloom that I’ve been messing with. It’s basically a way of modeling the life that you want by symbolizing it as a tree with branches and leaves for the differently aspects of what you want to cultivate. Every time you take actions that support your goals, your tree gets the things it needs to grow. It’s cute, and there are little rewards and trophies along the way. It makes you think about what you are doing, and whether or not the things that you’re doing are getting you where you want to go. Essentially, Mindbloom teaches mindfulness. Anyhow, as I logged in this evening, the second memo struck. I was rewarded for energizing my tree with a virtual trophy. My keyword and the icon were present, along with this message: “Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey toward it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us.” – Samuel Smiles
Yes, after 40 years in the dessert, the burden of being Not Really Me is fading behind me now. I’m not saying I am crystal clear on Really Me, never mind what Really Me does for a living, but at least I am freed of the shackles of Not Really Me, free to pursue the answer to the question “Who am I?”. I may never get a definitive answer, but the pursuit is one of my inalienable rights. And now that I don’t smoke any more, I can run so that makes pursuit a bit more do-able, doesn’t it? 🙂
PS – If anyone is reading this and you have signed up on Mindbloom, drop me a comment or something with your link and we’ll friend up!